Behind These Walls
by Seallyn
Summary: A young girl deals with life inside the Circle of Kirkwall.


**Behind these Walls**

_9:35 Dragon, 22 Justinian _

_Milly got me a journal for my birthday today. It's so beautiful I couldn't wait to start using it. So first thing, today is my birthday. Huzzah! I am finally 18. I should be facing my Harrowing soon. I'm excited to finally become a real mage. My master says I'm one of the most talented mages she's seen in a while. Oh, also a new group of Templars arrived today. Most seem extraordinarily dull, but there is one who is a little scary although I must admit, despite myself I find him very attractive. He's very tall with short dark red hair with a bit of a mustache above his lips. I wonder if it would tickle if he were to kiss someone. He is so muscular. I've never seen a man so muscular. He could squeeze my living breath out of me without much trouble. I should mention his eyes; his eyes are so dark and mysterious. I could stare into them and lose myself in his soul. I watched him as he walked throughout the hall. He glanced at me briefly, before I turned my head. I could feel my face turn red with heat. Milly and Gezelle giggled and said I was in love with him. Maybe I am. I've never been in love before, but so far it has been incredibly exciting. I know we aren't supposed to marry, but I can't stop myself from thinking about him. Maybe that adds to the excitement. Forbidden love. How romantic._

_Adrianna_

_9:35 Dragon, 1 Solace_

_ Milly and Gezelle told me a rumor today about a forbidden couple found in the Ferelden Circle. I asked them where they heard it and they said it was one of the new Templars. He is actually from the Ferelden Circle. I think my handsome Templar is from Ferelden, perhaps it was him who told the story. According to the girls, a mage fell in love with a chantry initiate and they were planning to escape by destroying the mages phylactery, but their First Enchanter caught them before they could get out of the tower. They said the mage was using blood magic, too. Such extraordinary lengths he went through in order to be with the one he loved. Such a shame they were caught. I wonder if all forbidden love ends so badly. I suppose there is nothing more worthy of dying for then love. _

_Adrianna_

_Post-Script: Andraste's ass, I almost forgot to mention my new bully. One of the new Templars, Ralph I think his name is. He is such an ugly boy. He has long blonde hair and one of the largest noses I have ever seen. He has the ugliest eyes as well. Ice cold and dead. I saw him as I was walking down the stairwell. He and a friend of his were laughing at something, probably one of his horrible mage jokes when they saw me coming. Ralph starred at me with such anger, he looked like he wanted to kill me! I tried to avoid him, but he followed staying behind a few yards. He said I was filth, ugly, and worse then darkspawn. What a terrible thing to say to someone! Especially since so many people have been affected by the recent blight. I went straight to my room and cried. I told my master after I finished my cry. She told me to do my best to avoid him. I will certainly do my best at that._

_9:35 Dragon, 30 Solace_

_ I don't know how to start this but I have to say something, even if it's just to myself. I was walking down one of the stairwells when I found my bully in the middle of one. I've been trying my best to avoid him for weeks now and I was doing well, until today. He saw me and came straight at me. He hit me in the face and called me "mage scum". He said mages were a scourge of Thedas. He said that we need to be restrained and have the magic beaten out of us. He grabbed my hair while he said all of these cruel things. He twisted it so hard I thought he was going to pull it off. He then threw to the bottom of the stairwell and told me I needed to broken. He came at me with such ferocious eyes, he looked possessed. I was afraid he was going to kill me. I'm not sure exactly what he did do, but I know it hurt. I have never felt so much pain. He grabbed my hair again and shoved my face to the ground. I closed my eyes hoping that if I couldn't see him it wouldn't hurt as much. I was wrong. He ripped the bottom of my skirt and did something between my legs. It felt like he was going to rip me in half. And the burning. My insides burned as if they had been set aflame. He grunted a lot as well. I'm not sure why, but he finally stopped. Maker, I thought it would never stop. He released my hair and made some shuffling noises then he kicked me in the side and spit at me as he walked away. I started to cry then. I don't know how I kept the tears in for as long as I did. I laid there on the cold stone floor for what felt like an eternity before I got up to tell my master what had happened. She brushed me off, said I was lying. I tried to show her the scrapes on my hands, but she wouldn't even look. She told me that the Templars were good people, people who protected us from ourselves and those around us. I began again, but she told me to leave her alone and go study for my Harrowing. To be honest, my Harrowing is the farthest thing from my mind at the moment._

_Adrianna_

_9:35 Dragon, 4 August_

_ He got me again tonight. This time he came into my room while I was sleeping. He choked me so I couldn't scream out. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did before. Now when he catches me I close my eyes and dream of my handsome Templar. I imagine him coming to the rescue, tearing Ralph away from me and picking me up into his strong comforting arms. He would console me and kiss me gently. He would tell me that I never have to be afraid again. He would take me away from the Circle and we could live in a quaint cottage by a river and surrounded by an array of flowers of every color. We would live the rest of our lives there. Have and raise children there. Without Templars, without the Circle. Just the two of us and our love._

_Adrianna_

_9:35 Dragon, 13 Kingsway_

_ I passed my Harrowing! It was difficult. I didn't know what it would be like to meet a demon face to face. It was chilling. He knew me so well. He knew my problems and I admit for the briefest moment I wanted to accept his offer. He would have given me strength to defeat my tormentor. I was amazed at myself when I refused, but I know that listening to a demon is never the answer._

_Adrianna_

_9:35 Dragon, 3 Haring_

_I no longer dream of my handsome Templar. The idea of him coming to my rescue whenever I am being abused has become irrelevant. I don't want him, I don't want anyone. I just want to end my life, to stop the pain. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. Every morning I wake up sick to my stomach. I find it hard to concentrate during studies._

_Adrianna_

_9:36 Dragon, 23 Wintermarch_

_ My sickness has continued. Even on the days I am not abused. I've started doing some research and I fear I might be with child. I've gained weight and I can't seem to keep any food down. I've done my best to keep my symptoms to myself. During my research I found that a mage's child is taken away from them and sent to live in the Chantry. I'm not sure if that's any better than here. Maybe it is, I've never been outside this tower. I also found some text about blood magic. I know it's forbidden, but I couldn't help but find it incredibly interesting. _

_9:36 Dragon, 12 Cloudreach_

_I felt it kicking today. It scared me. Now that I am positive I am with child, I am that much more confused on what to do. The evil Templar has left me alone for the most part. Now that I am heavier he seems to have lost interest in forcing himself on me. I've also done my best to avoid him. I admit I tried a little trick I read in one of our tomes. It was easy enough to perform and the results were fantastic. Perhaps it will be the answer to my confusion._

_Adrianna_

_9:36 Dragon, 4 Solace_

_ I don't know how much longer I have till this child within me is born, but it is becoming increasing difficult to hide my weight gain from the others. One of the Senior Enchanters gave me a strange glare earlier today. I'm positive he knows something. I will not have this child here, in this terrible oppressive place. I have to get out. I have to break free. Perhaps then I will have a clear head on what to do with the victim inside me. I researched blood magic again. I'm still weary of using it, but it would make me so powerful. I would surely be able to escape this retched prison if I had more power. My child deserves to live free and so do I._

_Adrianna_

"Knight-Commander?" A scrawny dark haired man stood behind the Knight-Commanders desk awaiting her orders after he had given her a journal he had found in the apostate's room.

"Knight-Commander," he repeated, "what are your orders?" The Knight-Commander slowly dropped the book before rising from her chair and storming to the fireplace across the room where she tossed the journal, watching it crack and sizzle. The fragrance of burnt paper quickly filled the room.

Without averting her gaze from the fire the Knight-Commander spoke. "Get your men ready," she said. "Find the apostate and bring her back here to be made tranquil. Bring the child to me."

"The child, ma'am?" There was no reply. Uncomfortable but compliant the Templar continued. "As you say, Knight-Commander." The young Templar left while the Knight-Commander remained at her post by the fire, a slight frown crossing her face.

The Templars found the runaway mage not far from the circle. She sat on her knees, head down, hands extended to the ground in the midst of tall trees and grass. Blood splattered her clothing and pooled on the ground where a lonesome dagger lay. As they approached she raised her head and stared at them, her eyes wet from tears and sweat.

"Apostate!" The leader of the Templars shouted. "You are to be brought back to the Circle immediately and made tranquil under the order of," the Templar chocked on the last of his words as he watched the mage rise from the ground as if hanged on a string, her head falling back down to her chest. She rose until her feet no longer touched the ground.

"You will never take me back to that prison alive," she yelled as she raised her head, her eyes glowing white. She raised her bloodied hands, her staff emitting an eerie red light.

"Get her," screamed the leader of the group, but as his Templars began their rush towards the apostate the red light that had been growing larger upon the mage's staff burst suddenly like a giant bleeding bubble of flame, sending every Templar to the ground. As they arose, ears ringing from a strange sound filling the air, they frantically looked about them for signs of the mage or her newborn only to find that had vanished as if they had only been ghosts cursed to live out a traumatic event. Bewildered, the Templars left scene to report their failure to their superior.


End file.
